he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
