So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
