my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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