I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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