I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
