I didn't shave. On purpose
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
