I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
