I cannot find my penis.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You left your phone here
Wait...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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