Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
