New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
