Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
