you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
