Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Damn victory sex feels great
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
