First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Randomize
