So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
