dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
