my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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