Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
