Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
