i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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