Swine flu. Run for my life!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
