someone owes me an orgasm
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
