yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
