If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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