im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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