In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
