Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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