I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
