I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
