I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
