im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
