Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
