I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
