i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
as a side note pls kill me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
