It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Drunk is not a location!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
