That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's blow job season.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
