You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You can't motorboat a personality
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
