No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Drunk is not a location!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
