There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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