never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
