so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
