i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
