R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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