mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i can't believe i had my finger in that
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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