they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
