Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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