I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
