took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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