You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
