in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Who died my cat blue again?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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